Acorn

Disclaimer: Virtually everything that is slightly poetic or abstract was written while incredibly intoxicated to the point where i find these text files on my desktop with little to no memory of having written them the morning after heavy drinking.


i spend every second of today thinking about this girl

i focus like its some strange circle
something thats ment to be
like a squirrel
who is supposed to
burry that acorn.

no its not that
the acorn is more like the shape its supposed to be

i think about that
its impoartant


than i look in the mirrior
and i see
me
sawdust
i am saw dust
dust

Mark Linkous

You get outta bed.

you merge into your desk chair.

The flowing light. of the computer breathes into you 

likea organisim. except its made of dust and grey plastic.

Somehow. you are listening to a song.

the lead singer took his life.

the comments tell you.

an article. says. suicide

Rest now you decided.

The Faults of a Logical Person

Well I'll start by saying that I have never been in a serious relationship. I have always been on the shy/introspective side and throughout high school and earlier - whenever I liked a girl i would never actually peruse her in the way that i should have. This caused me to only be in relationships when I was perused causing the girls i would be in relationships to be crazier than your average female, which is saying a lot.

My last relationship was in Junior year of high school (~4 years). After ending that relation ship I was stressed out as fuck which caused me to have absolutely no desire to wan't to be in another relationship again for quite a while. About a year ago I was sick of the fact that I lived with my parents, had no job, no girl friend. I decided fuck it i want to get these things done. Long story shorter I got the job and then moved out, next step and apparently the hardest.

I met this girl at a party, I'll call her Erin. I got her number, Looking back now that was a decent accomplishment for me. I am usually the guy who will instead of trying to hit on girls at party I am the one who gets drunker than everyone and takes his pants off.

The reason i decided to write this entry is because i wrote this a while ago:


Everything from the right angle?

this is my flaw with trying to build relationships with
girls currently.

i try to think of things too logically and
philosophically.
i look at things like a puzzle, a sudoko.

i ask myself how can i fit in this equation of their life?
well they like this this this and this.
well i like this that and those.

well ill play form this angle.

what about my other angles?

what about my dark side?

what about my truth.
what about the things they might not
be interested in?

i need to just be me
and if it doesn't work
it wasn't meant to work.



This blog is terribly written I'm sorry


TLDR: Starting to try and date/get a gf again. Trying out new approaches. The one a logical puzzle solver type would think of seems to not work at all. In next entry will write about one thats working better.