Acorn

Disclaimer: Virtually everything that is slightly poetic or abstract was written while incredibly intoxicated to the point where i find these text files on my desktop with little to no memory of having written them the morning after heavy drinking.


i spend every second of today thinking about this girl

i focus like its some strange circle
something thats ment to be
like a squirrel
who is supposed to
burry that acorn.

no its not that
the acorn is more like the shape its supposed to be

i think about that
its impoartant


than i look in the mirrior
and i see
me
sawdust
i am saw dust
dust

Mark Linkous

You get outta bed.

you merge into your desk chair.

The flowing light. of the computer breathes into you 

likea organisim. except its made of dust and grey plastic.

Somehow. you are listening to a song.

the lead singer took his life.

the comments tell you.

an article. says. suicide

Rest now you decided.

The Faults of a Logical Person

Well I'll start by saying that I have never been in a serious relationship. I have always been on the shy/introspective side and throughout high school and earlier - whenever I liked a girl i would never actually peruse her in the way that i should have. This caused me to only be in relationships when I was perused causing the girls i would be in relationships to be crazier than your average female, which is saying a lot.

My last relationship was in Junior year of high school (~4 years). After ending that relation ship I was stressed out as fuck which caused me to have absolutely no desire to wan't to be in another relationship again for quite a while. About a year ago I was sick of the fact that I lived with my parents, had no job, no girl friend. I decided fuck it i want to get these things done. Long story shorter I got the job and then moved out, next step and apparently the hardest.

I met this girl at a party, I'll call her Erin. I got her number, Looking back now that was a decent accomplishment for me. I am usually the guy who will instead of trying to hit on girls at party I am the one who gets drunker than everyone and takes his pants off.

The reason i decided to write this entry is because i wrote this a while ago:


Everything from the right angle?

this is my flaw with trying to build relationships with
girls currently.

i try to think of things too logically and
philosophically.
i look at things like a puzzle, a sudoko.

i ask myself how can i fit in this equation of their life?
well they like this this this and this.
well i like this that and those.

well ill play form this angle.

what about my other angles?

what about my dark side?

what about my truth.
what about the things they might not
be interested in?

i need to just be me
and if it doesn't work
it wasn't meant to work.



This blog is terribly written I'm sorry


TLDR: Starting to try and date/get a gf again. Trying out new approaches. The one a logical puzzle solver type would think of seems to not work at all. In next entry will write about one thats working better.

Faded Contemplations

Whats the population of the earth? ~6 billion.

whats an even more important population is the number of humans who have lived throughout

the history of human kind. i dont know the answer. i would guess around 500 billion.

maybe more.

now this is important. because

every

single

one

of

these

lived. a life.

but they also died. they had a life and it dwindleled down till death. they experienced death. much more than you and i can say.

i mean. when you or i experience death. its so personal so much of a big deal. its like prom. except more personal still. like graduation

one of those things people experience once. except still more geniune. but yet. 500 billion have experienced it. strange heh so many though

it really seems like those thoughts or experience have to take up space. maybe theres a part of the universe that contains human thoughts and pasts and feelings.

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Drunken Words are Enlightened Thoughts

theres a picture
painted
by this world

you can
see it if you open your eyes
what do you see
when you turn on the tv

you see an advertisement
what does that say
about humans

it says profit.

thats it. thats all you need to know.

Might as well write shit

What do you do if you are given something that you feel like you don't deserve? Now i'm not talking like someone giving you a pretty cool gift or something. I'm talking about your average guy getting the girl of his dreams. How does one react to this? 

I have always been pretty humble, maybe even too humble. Its hard for me to accept compliments, i am working on getting better at this seemingly easy task. But i guess this causes me to see this gift, opportunity, whatever you wan't to call it as something that is tough to deal with. I wish things could be simpler in my life. If i get the girl of my dreams my life should be like a Jack Johnson song or some shit. I shouldn't deeply contemplate whether or not I deserve this shit. I should just smile and move the fuck on with the great ride.

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